Getting moved to another cubicle at work. Again. Out of the big, bright, quiet desk off the main walkways and with the team I work with daily, where I have noticed my stress and anxiety has decreased by orders of magnitude. Back into a tiny, dark, cramped cubicle with a pillar taking up 1/4 of it, on a corner of two major walkways, completely isolated from everyone I work with, directly outside a very loud woman’s office, with my workspace visible to literally everyone who passes. I wish I were exaggerating when I say that I have been in tears about it all afternoon. I tried talking to my boss about why I can’t do this again, but it was so humiliating hearing my voice waver and feeling my face turn red and knowing he could tell every ounce of energy I was putting into not openly crying in front of him. Plus, like, even when I can express it, no one ever understands why sitting in an environment like that is so awful? “It’s just a desk” okay thanks, yes, you’re right, of course, why bother.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I just came off of six months of anxiety so high that I couldn’t walk to the bathroom if I knew someone was in the hallway between me and it. I don’t have the time or energy to look for another job. I’ve had so many interviews that went nowhere and so many rejections. I can’t do this again, but what the fuck else can I do?